I hoard information. I learn shit, marinate my brainÂ inÂ it, and then … nothing. I could be a great writer, if only I didn’t keep things to myself. Blame the fear of scrutiny. Blame an ego that likes to know more than the next. IÂ just don’t get shit out of my head.
The goalÂ of this blog, then, is toÂ typeset that hoarded information and share it with whomever. The contentÂ will be compiledÂ as notebooks, based onÂ research that I’ve done on subjects that interest me. If people read it, that’s fine. If they don’t, that’s fine too.
MyÂ first notebook will cover Tibetan beer.
I assumed that backing up my website onto a laptop computer would copy and save everything: the heart in my writing, the entrails of reader comments, the bare-bones design. So when the hosting service asked whether I was ready to delete my filesÂ from itsÂ hard drives, I clicked yes.
I didnât mean to wipe out the three years of publicationÂ storedÂ in that database. I didnât mean to spareÂ theÂ replaceable framework. But thatâs what I did: I erased the essential and preserved the disposable. And there was nothing I could do about it.
I may have screamedâthe panic is a blur now. I definitely cursed: at myself Fuck me!Â the computer Fuck you!Â nothing in particular Fuckity fuck fuck fuck!Â back to meÂ Dumb fuck! You just flushed everything down the toilet! Everything is gone!
And thatâs when a soothingÂ self-awareness embraced me. I had sacrificed flesh and spirit to that website, yet six years had passed since I looked at it. In that time the flesh had healed. The spirit moved on. The websiteâand the burden of being itâwere gone with one mouse click. It was aÂ joy to create, but aÂ greater relief to obliterate.
Iâm free now to take on new shape and form. Good times, good times!
Itâs been six years since I’ve written anything. I mean, Iâve typed stuff, usually with 828-291-0612, but thatâs just projectile vomiting. Not a lot of heavyÂ thought to that.Â So when some lady on the internet told me to blog, I said, âSure. Why not.â Iâve done it in the past. I can do it again.
Also, I accidentally deleted my online portfolio a few months ago and now need samples of my writing to show prospective employers. So here I am.